Lust Of Forgotten Love
by LarkroseLukos
Summary: All the way, I’m screaming like a madman inside. I couldn’t let this happen! How could I let this happen?" The wedding of Skipper and Marlene shakes up inner conflict with Kowalski. Sequel to "Loving A Lie". Rated for heavy stuff. Major Marski/Skilene


"Will you marry me, Marlene?" I ask.

"Oh, Kowalski! Of course!" And then Marlene hugs me and I smile and kiss her. And everyone's happy.

That's usually when I wake up.

That's how that night should have went. Marlene should have let me talk. I wouldn't have to throw those beautiful daisies on the ground and throw that ring at her. That was over year ago, but I still remember. And Skipper just had to go and propose to her.

I used to date Doris about two months ago, but once I learned Dr. Blowhole's first name was Doris, that pretty much killed our relationship.

So I get out of bed and sit at my work desk. Skipper's sipping his fish coffee and Rico's climbing out of bed.

And I look at my desk and I found a little framed picture of Marlene. And rage fills me up about 76.3 percent and I throw it. It almost hits Skipper, who doges it just in time. The picture shatters against the wall.

"Someone got up on the wrong side of the bunk." Skipper says, taking a sip of his coffee. Normally he'd be yelling my ears off, but he's so preoccupied in planning the wedding with the love of his life that he doesn't need do the think about me.

"Kowalski, options!" he says. He's been doing that a lot lately and it's starting to get on my nerves. He asks me for options when they aren't needed.

"Make up your own." I grumble and put my head down.

"Am I hearing sass? From you, Kowalski? I would expect this from Private, but not you." he says, putting his hands on his hips angrily.

I roll my eyes. I'm too mad too think straight.

Then Skipper turns around and looks at Private. "Come over here." he motions too me.

I walk over. "What?" I snap.

Then I look at Private.

He's in a sweat and he's moaning. His eyes are watery. I put a hand to his forehead and it's burning.

"He's sick." I remark, my anger gone.

I take the covers off him and shake the little soldier. He moans and opens one eye.

"Oh, mom…" He says, obviously delirious. "I feel so cold… take me out of the ice!"

I put the blanket back on him. I turn to my captain.

I give him a weak salute.

Skipper gives me that look that says "Oh, you're not done yet."

Rico, our medic, is quick to work on Private. Skipper has ordered us to keep shifts watching Private.

Its my shift first, and I'm doodling pictures on my notepad. The first drawing is of me. My beak looks weird and it looks like I'm standing on one leg, but it's not that bad of a drawing.

Suddenly I find myself drawing a paw holding my flipper. And I find myself drawing a furry, soft arm that connects to a shoulder.

"_Could we do that thing again?" I ask. "The keesing?"_

And I'm drawing Marlene's head now. And now her beautiful, green-amber eyes that are like a liquid sunset, that makes me want to lap gently from its crystal waters. And now I'm drawing her body, her graceful, lithe, curvy body. And she looks so much better than my pathetic tries to capture her beauty in a piece of paper.

And now I realize I forgot the mouth. As I draw it, I make sure to make her smiling. Like she always is.

"_Kowalski, we have to end this relationship."_

"_Why?" I ask._

"_I've only been dating you too get Skipper's attention. I never liked you. We can still be friends, but nothing more."_

And now I'm drawing her legs, her short but strong, her legs that should be running towards me, not my leader.

And now I'm drawing a ring on her paw. The ring that I made, pouring all of my heart into carving the perfect words. Not Skipper's ring.

"_I've sorry I've been such a fool." I let the daisies drop to the floor._

And now I've finished. I add myself holding those two daisies that Marlene should be holding, and I love at the picture. A single tear (though I will never admit this to Skipper) drips down my cheek and splatters on the paper.

I wipe my eyes and decide to draw Private. I start drawing his head, but I can't help drawing another Marlene. This time I draw her kissing a penguin. A penguin who is much taller then her, who is holding a notepad in one hand.

"_Um, Marlene?" I ask._

"_Yeah?" Her eyes are shining with tears._

"_I have question to ask you. There's this guy, he's an inventor, but he's not a penguin- he's an… otter! Yes, he's not a penguin. Definitely an otter. And there's this girl otter- her name isn't Marlene- and she just broke up with her boyfriend. And she has her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder and-"_

_Marlene closed my beak. "I think this will answer it." She pulled my head forward and we shared a kiss._

I sigh and rip that drawing off too. There is no use in drawing something that is lost to me. Marlene, as long as she's with Skipper, will always slip away from me. I can't… I can't let happen, but I must.

Private moans in his sleep, and I sigh and wipe his forehead with a wet rag.

Now I'm back to doodling. I'm drawing Marlene and me holding hands, and then eating, and then just her eyes… her beautiful eyes…

"_Hey, Kowalski, wanna go on a date tonight?"_

All of it was a lie. All of it. She never… never loved me…

Before I know it, tears are streaming down my face. And every one of those tears has a little piece of our relationship in it… everyone has a piece of Marlene.

"_Will you marry me, Marlene?" Skipper asks his bride to be._

"_Oh Skipper! Yes!" And then she jumps into his arms. _

Skipper doesn't deserve Marlene! That lucky penguin should be me! Marlene should love me, not Skipper!

Jealousy is pulsing through my veins like emotional poison. And Private turning over brings me back to reality. Sweet, sweet reality. Yep. I just love reality where no one loves me…

Why am I so alone? Why didn't Marlene see me like she sees Skipper? Why aren't _I _the one marrying her? I'm 100 percent smarter than Skipper!

A pound my fists on the stone floor. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I turn around and see Skipper.

I growl and turn away, still sobbing.

Then I hear a knock at the door.

I go and get it.

I open the door to see Marlene.

"Oh… Hi." I probably look like a mess, but I don't care. She's lost to me, like a jewel stolen forever.

And her eyes, her beautiful eyes that are like liquid emeralds, blink carefully. She's studying me with her brilliant mind, looking for signs of insanity. Probably looking for a hint of the old Kowalski in my face. Maybe she's searching for Skipper.

"Hi Kowalski." She says, and then our eyes meet. For a second. For a second I see a hint of affection in her eyes. Or is that hatred? I wish this moment could have lasted forever.

"Where's Skipper?" she asks, and the moment, that precious moment, is gone. Just as soon as it started. Faded away. Lost in space forever.

"He's… Skipper!" I yell, and step aside.

"In a second!" Skipper yells from inside.

And me and Marlene are standing there. It's so awkward being with the love of your life who doesn't even slightly feel for you. She a trickster. I thought that she loved me, but….

"_Humans do this thing called kissing." _

"_What's that?" I ask._

"_Here… I'll show you." _

"Kowalski?" she asks.

"What?"

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Oh, sorry."

And then Skipper comes, ruining the moment. Marlene waves to me awkwardly.

And I go and start working on something.

It's now an hour later and I hear Private.

PRIVATE!

I forgot it was my shift. I race to his bunk. The small penguin isn't breathing.

"PRIVATE!" I yell, compressing his chest. "Breath!"

I do CPR. All the way, I'm screaming like a madman inside. I couldn't let this happen! How could I let this happen?

Then Private starts breathing, and my heart skips a beat. I'm so… so tired… so angry!

And I just want to punch myself. I almost let Private die. I could believe… I could have lost him… And it would have been my fault.

"_Why are you crying, Kowalski?" asked Private._

_I look up. "I'm not crying… I just have salt based liquid running down my face."_

But Private is breathing. Its slow breathing, but it's still breathing. He will live.

Me and Rico switch posts until night. Skipper comes home. None of us mention what we did while he was away.

"_Have fun tonight, Kowalski?" Skipper asked coldly. _

"_I-I don't know what you mean." I stammered._

"_I saw you two." Skipper threatened me with a glares. I'm not scared, though._

"_She's my girlfriend!" _

"_She's my girlfriend!"_

"_She's my girlfriend!"_

Skipper's words keep repeating in my head. I can't imagine why they keep repeating.

"Are you okay, soldier?" Skipper asks me, and I realize I'm in a fetal position on the floor.

"Ye-No. No… I just need a moment." My breathing is still hard. Sweat is pouring down me fast, matching the tears that I want to cry.

"The wedding's tomorrow." Skipper says.

"I know." I say. "Where's Marlene?"

"At her house. Why?"

"I need to talk to her." I say.

Skipper raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything.

I'm walking down the street to Marlene's house. I don't even bother hiding myself in case Alice comes by.

I knock on Marlene's door.

She opens it. "Hey Ski- Oh. Hi Kowalski."

And suddenly my mind goes blank. What was I going to say?

"Hi Marlene…"

"What brings you here?" And that look in her lovely eyes tells me she's as awkward as I am. "You look terrible."

"Yeah… That happens when you have a _broken heart._"

"You mean- That was over a year ago! Get over it."

"No! Marlene- I-I love you!" And I wish I hadn't said that.

"Kowalski-" And then she makes this gagging noise.

"Marlene! Marlene what's wrong?"

And then her eyes roll back in her head and she collapses in my arms. I search for a pulse but find none.

I furiously give her CPR. And I'm compressing her chest like crazy, ignoring the pain that running through my veins…

But she's gone. She really is gone.

***

"We are here today to celebrate the life of Marlene O'Donnall. She was known for her compassionate and optimistic nature." reads Maurice aloud.

Skipper is crying. I wish I could pat him on the back but I can't.

Yes, I'm at the funeral. Kinda. I'm watching it. Marlene's up here, next to me. She's holding my paw.

I love her to bits, but she still has those uneeded for Skipper. I try to tell her that once you're dead you can't marry someone, but she doesn't listen.

Maybe I'll have a chance at winning her back. I have an eternity. An eternity.

_FIN_

***

Ending was… so sad…

~Lukos


End file.
